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Holy crap … I’m still asleep. This does not bode well for conjugating verbs in Spanish class, as I just demonstrated

On a roll this morning! Got up and did all of my Spanish homework by 7:25. Warmed up and worked out, while reading my novel. Abs and cooldown stretch by 8:30, and out of the shower by 8:45. I might actually have EXTRA time this morning, instead of running to class from the parking lot like most other days Of course now that I’ve said that, I’ll get stopped at the RR crossing or something. Still, it’s good to be up and cruising in the morning. And even better that today is effectively Friday. No classes on Fridays is far better than sliced bread.

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Note to self:
Keep an open mind.
In all things, but especially tomorrow.

Today is the haunting anniversary of the death of, at latest estimate, over 3,000 innocent people. Worthy of honorable mention, this includes three hundred forty three FDNY firefighters, and sixty NYPD/PAPD police officers, whose bravery is simply incalculable.

Today is also the first anniversary of 9/11 that falls on a Tuesday, as 9/11/2001 did.

Today is the very last, ever, performance of Oasis, on the steps in the Brooklyn Bridge Park, in front of the forever-changed Manhattan skyline. I will not be attending. I cannot even explain how heart-wrenching it is for me to miss this performance. Every single Oasis performance, for the past four years, has meant so much to me. Just having a point of focus to help me get through the month, and a comfortable place to remember, reflect, and mourn. Every single Oasis performance has left me in tears – even the ones I haven’t been able to attend.

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Yesterday, I overslept and as a result, had to skip my morning workout. I was not pleased. Last night I purposely went to sleep early in order to ensure that I would be able to get up on time this morning. I did not count on the incredibly overwhelming heap of emotional turmoil over 9/11 that I didn’t even realize I was dealing with.

I woke up shortly after 2 am (around half an hour ago), covered in a cold sweat. It was straight out of a movie: huge inhale as if I might be dying, sitting straight up before I even realize I’m awake and it was just a dre nightmare. I just lived through the attacks of 9/11/2007. Such vivid, intense, mind altering details that surely for the entire day I will be treading lightly, assuming the worst, and refusing to check the news. I won’t go into any specifics here, because they’re just too upsetting.

In my dream, I risked my own life to save others. I can only hope that if such a situation presented itself to me, I will be able to muster half the bravery of the Firefighters and Police Officers of New York City. An estimated 16,000 people were below the point of impact in the Twin Towers, the majority of which survived, with the help of rescue workers who sacrificed their own lives to help.

What’s the point of this post, you might be asking by now. Honestly, I’m not sure. Some of it just had to be said. Take from it what you will. All I ask is that, at some point today, you take a moment to reflect and remember …

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Today is a very sad day, to say the least. I just found out that my advisor quit. “What’s the big deal?” you might ask. Well, she basically saved my life. The only reason it’s even possible for me to be at school is because she absolutely busted her ass for me. Don’t get me wrong, I thanked her profusely, and I’m sure she knows I’m grateful, but still .. I feel I owe so much to her.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays I have a 3 hour long break between classes. Today I drove all the way around campus and looked for parking for 10 minutes, just to come into the building where she works so I could say hi and catch up with her. Only to find someone else’s name on her office, and the people looking at me funny when I asked for her. I’m happy for her, though, even though it’s not any good for me. She had a baby in March, and apparently never came back after her maternity leave. Such a shame for the advising department to lose her though, she was hands down the best they’d ever had.

It will literally be impossible to replace her as an advisor. Not only did she recognize me, and know me by name, but she knew most of my life history, all of the classes I had taken, what I did well in and what I didn’t do well in, all of the classes I had to retake, how many credits I was missing, all of the exceptions we made on my worksheet (we got departmental approval to substitute like 4 classes, and she was in charge of all of that and all the paperwork for it), et cetera, ad nauseam, off the top of her head. But much more importantly than that, she was my friend. I used to stop by her office to say hi whenever I had class in this building. She would tell me all kinds of stuff about her personal life, her marriage, her pregnancy…. I was really looking forward to hearing about her baby today.

Now I can’t even find her online anywhere. I want to send her a letter or something, just letting her know how I’m doing and how incredibly, endlessly grateful I am to have had her support during the roughest years of my life. Basically, I miss her, and I don’t know if there’s anything I can do about it.